Becoming Unstoppable with Dr. Ronda Beaman

Amee Quiriconi: 0:19

All right, everybody. Welcome back to the show. Last year, I had a chance to speak with my guest today, Dr. Rhonda Beeman about resilience. And I wanted to come back to this conversation again, because I believe this is one of those subjects that you really just can't overtalk there's, you know, not enough of us having the discussion about what it means to be resilient to become resilient strategies and techniques we can employ. And I had a chance after I spoke with Rhonda last summer, and then published my episode on one broken mom to actually integrate part of her conversation into the book that I just published this year, and in my chapter on becoming unstoppable. And so I thought it would be amazing to actually bring her back and focus more specifically on talking about unstoppable, not to mention, she's super fun to talk to you. And so it's always going to be a good time. And then she did last year, she's actually published another book called my feet in the shoes, and it's a memoir, and she shares stories in there from other people in what it was like, making decisions and changes in their life. And so and what they decided to do with their some of their dreams, and so I want a chance for her to be able to tell us about that. But first, I want to say welcome back round. I'm really excited. Hey, good to be back with you. And especially I'm looking at you with no mask on. This is good news. This is happy. Has this happiness happening in the world right now? Yes, yes. Well, I mean, it's been, you know, I have to say that for a year, and I know, this has been a really hard year for a lot of people. So I am not diminishing or invalidating some of the really like gnarly experiences people have had. But you know, these are those years where I feel like, being able to wring out something positive. That's just what one of my superhero strengths have always been. And so, in the last 12 months, you know, some really cool achievements have happened. And I'm, you know, I'm proud of and and I know that, you know, every time I run into some sort of a hurdle, there's, you know, glass half full, what can I learn from this? How is your 12 months been since, like I said, it's been about a year since you and I actually talked?

Ronda Beaman: 2:19

Yeah, I have to laugh because, you know, I'm not even a half glass full or half empty. I'm like, throw the glass away. Just me, you know, let's not even measure it. Let's just keep moving forward. So I remember specifically saying to all of my students, all the people, I teach fitness classes to anyone that I would run into last March, I was good. Come on, people, we can do this. It's three weeks. Hold on. Yeah. You know, it's okay. So I'm not a real good arbitrator of what's happening, but I'm still positive. And, you know, here's the thing, throughout human history, these things have happened. I was reading here, I'm just gonna drop Marcus Aurelius song. It's a sound really smart. But um, I was reading his meditations and some of his history because the whole stoic movement fascinates me, and you know, how we've just recycled their thinking from a long time ago, and, and just kind of updated at all along human history, but they were the original thinkers of these things. And it's fascinating to me, but during his reign, there was a 19 year pandemic 19 years, and it killed something like 5 million people, which, you know, in today's numbers is like, 50 million people. And, and so it goes through human history, and the people that end up, you know, okay, are the ones that understand, it's not always gonna be wonderful. And, and I really love this too, you know, this two thirds rule, or the rule of thirds, if you will, that I read the other day that a third of life is great. It's just great. And I call it those golden moments, you know, whether it's your graduation or your wedding or something terrific. Life is great. For a third of your time, life is good, you know, not golden, but hey, I'm healthy. I've got a roof over my head, God willing, and, you know, life's pretty good. And then a third of it is really terrible, just bad and tough and filled with depths of sorrow and, and darkness. And when you hit those moments, and you will, I mean, if people are listening to you on your podcast and thinking you're always positive, that's probably not true. When people meet me, I think they think that I know my students think that I crawl into a confident night like a vampire, you know, and I just wait for the sun to come out and then I'll come back and go, I'm teaching today and then I go back, it was what they think. But you know, I've got my 1/3 of terrible stuff, too. Well, one of the 1/3 of terrible stuff happens. What's really, really changed And what you can decide like nobody else only you is holding on to when it gets good again, because it will, and holding on until it gets great again, because it will. And it's just this minor shift of your attitude. And I think that is the whole secret to everything. And the only thing that you can control, right, not the circumstance, but your response to the circumstance, not thinking something's good or bad, but thinking makes it so right. So understanding the kind of power you have. So, yeah, tough gear for everyone. But also, like you said, some really great Wake Up Calls and some really great moments of understanding some really

Amee Quiriconi: 6:04

fresh awakenings about where we're headed and how we get there, and what's possible, and what really matters and what matters most. Mm hmm. Absolutely. You know, you said good and bad. And that made me think of when you pop that in there, the tendency that we have to judge the experience and like rate it on a score, you know, on that spectrum of a good grade or, you know, terrible experience. And, and I you know, and I think like you that when we start judging them in that way, we lose the ability, like, how can I learn something from a bad experience? Or is it you know, and then you regret having them or, you know, you don't learn enough from your good experiences, but, but what you're saying is, don't don't really judge it based on good or bad pull out. It happened. It's the thing happens.

Ronda Beaman: 6:53

Yeah, you can't you can't deny that you can't, like walk around going, I'm okay. Cuz everyone knows you're not. And, but But what are you pulling out of it? And what are you using? You know, I like, I like the whole analogy. I'm getting into archery lately. And not because I needed to go hunting for my own food during the pandemic, but I just, it was something I could do in my backyard. And I like the idea of a quiver. Right, the quiver is the thing that holds all these arrows. And these arrows are these things you pull out, and and they take your target shoot. And, you know, you either hit it or you miss it, or whatever the case may be. But like everything that you learn, and every experience that you have good, bad and ugly, every day that you are given and do not forget you are given this day, right? No promises that you'll be given tomorrow. Everything that you can gather is like these quick, you know, these arrows in your quiver. And you've got tons of them if you start collecting, you know, every day with every opportunity. And I really want to make sure that anyone listening understands because, you know, I have students who their whole freshman year of college has been online, or their whole college graduation didn't happen, or you know, there's all this loss, loss loss. And they look at me or they look at someone like you and think, well, it's easy for you, you know, cuz you're an optimist. Well, wait, just a freaking minute, right? Nothing in your DNA makes you an optimist makes you disciplined makes you move forward, instead of back. You choose ever better you choose forward momentum. And everyone can do it. You know, it doesn't. It's just again, that shift in your mind, and everyone could do it. But it's harder. It's so much easier to sit around and wallow and complain and criticize. Anyone can do that. That's easy. You know, but being that, go ahead.

Amee Quiriconi: 9:04

I was gonna know, I was gonna say like, you're, you know, I wanted to ask that because it's easy. I think you and I maybe make it look really easy to do to make those choices. And you know, and I sat and have contemplated on myself, like, why me and how me right and maybe not why me, but how me How am I this way? And and I was going to ask like, you know, you do leadership development and resilience development, you know, as a big part of your professional career. You know, are there people that seem to be born with an ability to be resilient or have it come at us easier than, you know, maybe other people? Because I've seen people too, they're just like, you know, I frustratingly like, just you know, don't look at it that way. Look at it this way. It's like, Okay, fair, she knows everybody else.

Ronda Beaman: 9:50

No, and you just want to slap them. It's like, you know, I Moonstruck snap out of it, but some people cannot. You're absolutely right, that there are some people who, you know, the more and more we're finding out about our own bodies and our own upbringings and all the human, you know, experience, the more we're finding out about that, you know, we realize we're just a big chemical cocktail, and some people got some really good chemicals and some people did not and So there is that as a factor. But barring clinical issues, barring, you know, medically diagnosed issues, the normal person that isn't facing those kinds of challenges that have to do with chemical imbalances and, and drug use or abuse and those kinds of things, that normal average person, I guess you would say, not normal, none of us are normal, the average person, no matter what your chemical cocktail can decide, I have a friend who's an MD, and he said that he so many people come into his office that are pre diabetic, type two diabetes, haven't been taking care of themselves, whatever the case, may be, and, you know, overweight. And he says to them, Listen, you know, if you go out and walk your block, once or twice, any evening, just a couple of times around the block, it'll do as much for you as this pill that I'm going to give you. And everyone takes the pill. Everyone, she's never had anybody go really, I could control it myself. Just give me the pill. And that happens to with depression many times. And so you know, we've got this whole societal thing that that some external solution is going to help us. And I really, you know, Goldie Hawn is doing a really great job, jewel is doing a really great job on creating these programs that go into elementary school, and start teaching people about, you know, mine, your meditation skill, and looking at the world as a positive place. And, you know, all this, I think it has to start, because so many of us just replicate what we see at home, what we see, you know, in other people's homes, or whatever, and, you know, never get the chance to really optimize who and what we are, because we're not taught that stuff in school. You know, when I go into these corporations, and I've got 40 year old people who are sorry, they pick the profession they did are sad. You know, it's like, I think you and I talked about last time, you know, most people park their cars where they're going to work, and leave the window down a little bit so their soul can breathe, while they go into work. And Gosh, what a shame what a, you know, how do you? How do you fix that? I think we got to go back to the very beginning about how people are educated about what we're capable of, and what kind of, you know, chemicals we can call upon, and that we create ourselves, the dopamine, the adrenaline, the endorphins, everything, we need to live a positive, meaningful and powerful life is already inside us. We just need to know how to tap into it.

Amee Quiriconi: 13:20

Yeah, yeah, definitely. And I think about, you know, my, my drive that, you know, spurs me to get back up off the ground to do something is, is this partly competitive, you know, like, I want to win, well, that's a dopamine like, I want to reward. And I know, I can't get rewarded, if I sit on my button, I do nothing. And so I get the, you know, the energetic, you know, refill of my battery of my battery comes from going after it making it if I don't make it, it hurts. I mean, I'm a human being, but yet, I know that I process it on how I can do it better so that I can get it. And so I know that for me that that that seems to be a part of that, like, I'm built to be fueled by the dopamine in the reward system of you know, whether that's and I, you know, I view that as, like, It's me, and I know, some people just aren't driven in that in that way. So there are differences out there. You know, I think one of the things we did talk about in the last time, and I would like to talk about it again, because I do, I do structured in my book quite a bit in when we talk about resilience in abilities to have developed the skills early and you already just touched on it, you know, that there are skill building activities that need to be shown to us as children and modeled and demonstrated for us. And I think one of the things that I had really taken when I was studying on teaching resilience to people was the power of the caring adults that you know, especially as a child, the the person that made sure to reinforce in you that you mattered, and it was worth getting yourself back up again and trying again. And that being a really huge factor on maybe sometimes the difference between children who grow up with a little bit more of that grit and those that don't maybe that that could be a big factor. And I think you and I talked about this because you had said something like for you when I said give me your tip on you know what's the best thing to build resilience and you had said was find people like find good people to surround yourself in a year like we've had does that still the like the best advice To give out there, I mean, would you go back to like, it's about a support system?

Ronda Beaman: 15:24

Oh, everything right? Yeah. You know, I mean, what's the, you know, latest big popular research that's quoted everywhere you become the five people that you hang out with the most. And, you know, what's so remarkable about being a human being is we're so so adaptable that all it takes is one positive role model. That's all we need. We had one. And that's the, that's what's so great about being an educator, being an author, being a parent, you have a chance to be that one, for somebody to be that one that can turn a person's life around. So yeah, it's great to have five people that are your role models, and but if you have one, and I know people who use, you know, people they don't even know. And also, if you see Eric wine Meyer, and he's the blind guy that climbed Everest, and you know, he climbed it, totally blind with asthma, to the very top, and you watch something like that happen. And for you can absorb that and go, look what we can do. Look what a human being can do. So it doesn't even have to be somebody you know, but you got to find somebody who has done something that you admire, and you realize, wow, because I'm a big proponent of the idea that if one of us could do it, we could all do it within, you know, within reason. I'm never gonna play on the NBA. You know, that's not within reason. But I could climb Mount Everest if I really wanted to, you know, look at what Eric did. Or I could, you know, I mean, it goes on and on and on and on. So yeah, I think role modeling is, you know, critical to human optimal human performance, to know what we're capable of doing and being able to see someone else do it. Team Hoyt, have you ever heard of them? Team Hoyt, the dad just passed away, but their son was born with cerebral palsy. And the doctor said, you know, he will never have a normal life, you should just put him in institution. And they weren't going to do that. And they brought him home and raised him like any other child. And, you know, they're just extraordinary people. But one day, when he was in the sixth grade, he wanted to run, he wanted to run in a race. And by this time, he was already in a wheelchair. And the dad who had never run before was not an athlete. But he was powered by love. said, Okay, let's let's go do this ray. So he hooked up something and he pushed the wheelchair. And that was the beginning of over 35 marathons. Something like 15 Iron Man, I mean, two out their whole lives together till the guy was almost at the Dallas, honestly, he would push, pull the boat, you know, pull him in a wagon bicycling and these marathon on believeable? If you had asked him, Do you think you could do that stuff you better gotten No. But powered by love powered by a goal powered by, you know, liquid, just a normal guy could do. So again, all of us have that in us. We so rarely tap everything that's in us. And it's, you know, I, I don't know what the solution is. Because it's not I mean, if we had been talking to Ovid, in 800 BC, he would be saying the same thing. We're capable of more people. Change the education system, let's change parenting, whatever it is, you know, so we can discover that and, and, but we need to keep chipping away chipping away at it, that's for sure.

Amee Quiriconi: 19:18

Yeah, well, you know, one of the things that, you know, is made a difference in my life, and when you kind of look at success for other people, especially when it comes to like their professional lives. And entrepreneurship is, you know, not so much being attached to like the day to day metrics, but actually being attached to the possibilities and the vision, you know, and actually setting for yourself with, with the goal of whatever it is you're trying to do in your career, in your life, you know, with the business that you want to start, that it's taking you someplace, it's not just the thing you show up and do every day. And that once you really do believe in that future vision, you know, for me, it is am I doing something today that's going to push that vision out further or let it slip away. And sometimes that thing that you have to do is I got to get up and try something today. Like I may not feel like it. I might not I might need to give myself a break. That's a true thing. But if if always taking an action and I know we talked about this last one, you know constantly taking a positive action They don't have to be grant like, you don't have to go for Mount Everest, right? But every time that positive action is taken, it helps reinforce and strengthen that resilience muscle. And sometimes the anchor or the Mount Everest in our life is simply this this vision for a sales goal or a target or a lifestyle that we want to be able to have, right?

Ronda Beaman: 20:39

Or getting out of bed during a pandemic, when you feel like Oh, man. What's happening to our planet? Get up, put your shoes on do what needs to be done for the kids for the dog, you know, whatever it might be, and start moving forward and all of a sudden, you realize it feels better than laying there and feeling like I can't do anything. Right. So yeah, it's it's the day by day, you know, life, at least like we talked about earlier in the, in the broadcast. It's not the big it moments, right. It's the everydayness. You know, most of its good. Some of its bad, some of its great, but it's the everydayness of being a champion of your own life being a warrior, you know, having a quiver full of different kinds of arrows when you need them. And, you know, I just I love human beings. I don't paint. I don't saying I don't, I don't have really any other talents. But people are like, you know, my, my canvas, my art, I could sit in an airport back when we could go to airports, I could sit at an airport and just watch people and think of their stories and, you know, make stories up. And I honestly believe most people are trying, but they just haven't had any, you know, real guidance or, or are unclear. When you say the word vision me how many people sit down and go, what is my vision for my life? You know?

Amee Quiriconi: 22:14

Yeah, and I actually ever ran into people that don't think that way. But you know, that I haven't I'm and I'm surprised. Like I said, I think you and I are like, Yeah, I would know what a vision is. But I remember doing a business meeting. And the question was, is, you know, what do you see for yourself in 12 months, and you know, and I it was like, two out of the three people in the room don't even think that way. They don't even process life.

Ronda Beaman: 22:34

They're like, I'm like, crickets, right?

Amee Quiriconi: 22:38

You don't visions for yourself? And it's just like, I just get up. I don't think those people though, are the entrepreneurs that will be listening to the show and thinking about that, but they are in our companies, though, right? Well, that's the thing. You might be a great entrepreneur, entrepreneur. But unless you can find a lot of people that, you know, join that bandwagon with yet and give it their best, you're going to be struggling. Right? So how do you get people to do that? So yeah. Now, when we talk about resilience, I know the tendency is to focus is on the building, right? Like, how do we add to it and patch things on to make it stronger and stronger? But you know, one of the questions that I thought about today was, sometimes our resilience actually gets undermined, it gets some things get taken away from it that begin like a hidden danger or something like that. Is there you know, is there any vampires out there that you think people should be aware of that actually undermines our resilience, and pokes holes in it that we may not see coming for us?

Ronda Beaman: 23:35

Well, it's so interesting, because there's, you know, everybody's talking about gas lighting right now, you know, being gaslighted. And that's certainly one of them. Because, you know, when there's this, you know, clandestine underneath the surface, minimizing of your contributions and your talent, or your ideas, or whatever the case may be, it would be a fairly spectacular Feat. Not to get in the car on your way home and go, are they right? You know, it? Am I am I the things, you know, because they're planting the seed to make you think that so, you know, I think that there are, you know, do you know, what a water bug is?

Amee Quiriconi: 24:21

Are they the skimmers?

Ronda Beaman: 24:23

Yeah, well, the big the big, like, they go under the water, and they're like this big dark thing. These water bugs, okay. So these water bugs, hang with me on this one, there's these water bugs, you know, like if you're sitting by a lake and you see this big, black round thing, go up to like lily pad where a frog is, and if you watch all of a sudden, that frog starts to let get smaller. And it's like watching a basketball, deflate, you know, it just gets smaller and smaller, and then it's like skin starts to droop and you're like, Oh, my God, what is happening? And a waterbug has these two to, you know, things that they stick into their prey and they suck all their intestines and outside insides out. So you they weren't deflating? And that's how they kill and that's how they feed and that's how they I am telling you there are water bugs of life everywhere. They want to get their little stingers into you, especially if you make yourself a target by being optimistic, resilient, let's go team, there are water bugs, who cannot take it. And they're gonna do everything they can do to suck the marrow out of you. Right? And, and so vampires is a very good description, I use waterbug, because it's just sucking the life out of you. And it's, it's so easy to look at somebody like you are like me, we're blonde, we're optimistic and just count us as DOM, you know, count us as well, they don't know what's going on. And, you know, question our intelligence. And, and I would argue, and I do argue that it's so much more difficult to look at things that are going wrong, things that need work, things that are a little less than what we would want them to be and say, I think they can be fixed, though. I think, you know, if we get together and think this through, we could make it better. That's where intelligence lies. Anyone can say things are terrible, things are bad. Yeah, awful, awful. That's the that's, that's the pessimist and that they think they're so smart. So you know, when you always are trying to find the silver lining in the you know, in the mud and gray cloud. People can discount you. And it's, it's difficult to be the cheerleader, it's difficult to be the leader, it's difficult to say, you know, come on team, and be the one that everybody relies on for that it's a heavy load. But man, how do you want to live your life, you get to decide, do you want to be that person or the person that just you know, has given up climbers? campers are quitters? Right? So yeah, so yeah, you're gonna have things you take away from you all along, the older you get, then it becomes your mobility, then it becomes your eyesight, then it becomes your, you know, whatever it might be. It's a it's a gentle process of, of, you know, degradation and minuses. And yet, have you met these, you know, older people who are 80-90 years old, and just thrilled with the way they live their lives thrilled that they get a birthday cake with 100 candles on it, even they can't see it now, because that's the goal. That's the whole point of being here for as short as we are. or so, you know, I think if you can choose resilience, choose optimism choose being unstoppable. That mental attitude again, why would you not choose it? And why would you not find another champion? to pair up with you some friend, some colleague, somebody that goes, let's, you know, let's max out our life together? I mean, why would you not do that? Why would you not do that?

Amee Quiriconi: 28:17

Exactly. Yeah. And I think for some people, you know, again, if they if they have found themselves in some of the emotional traps that come with, that can slow you down, and have a hard time seeing, you know, the positive sides, which is, it's fair, you know, there are people that have had experiences and this and have been in communities or families or workplaces where like you had said, even the most strong of us if we're gas lit or undermined or whatever, it does wear on confidence, because we're just human beings. And so when somebody had more of those people in their life, it can be a little bit more difficult to, to try to see the upside, you get too many bad lessons that you know, you that people are going to let you down or, you know, it's never going to go your way or you get the feeling of cursed. And, you know, sometimes, you know, if that's you, you're listening to this, like you You feel that way. You know, just getting somebody with you who doesn't see the world that way, will help in starting to shift your viewpoint, right.

Ronda Beaman: 29:16

Absolutely. Absolutely. And, you know, again, I was not born this way. I mean, I was born into a difficult household, I was born to a difficult very critical dad. My, my sister just passed away last year from alcoholism just drank herself to death. My brother is a recovering drug addict who's been in federal prison. You know, I'm speaking from a place of knowing that you can look at what you were given and go, I want more, I want better. I want different, you can do that. And the reason I know that is because I did it and if I can do it with again, no particular talents, no herculean, you know, strength. No, I'm just a normal human being who just really wants my little trip on the planet to be as good as it can be. And you know, if I can do this thing, Anyone can do it, you just have to, here's the, here's the whole crux of it, I think you have to believe you're worth it. You have to believe that you're worth having a happy life. Having you know the things in your life that you want, you have to believe that you're worth fighting for. And that's what resilience is, you know, that you're worth fighting for. And so many people let the judgment of others or their backgrounds or whatever it might be, make them think that they're not worth that. And, you know, once you can look in the mirror, and really look at yourself and go, I love I love you, you you I like once you can do that, everything else starts to fall into place. Now, because because you're going to treat that person that you love that person that you like, that happens to be you, you're going to treat that person as well as you can. And, you know, I don't again, I don't know what the key or the secret is, you know how we're going to do this in schools. For all the people, like you mentioned, who don't have great role models who don't have opportunities who don't have the golden ticket, you know, how do you do it for normal kids? And they're six years old, whose parents are, you know, drug addicts? And who, are there shootings going on outside their doors? And how do you do that for a kid? Man, I, you know, that those are some of the issues that that I'm starting to work on and tackle. Because if we can do that early,

Amee Quiriconi: 31:58

you know, we won't even need to talk about how a person becomes resilient, you know, as an entrepreneur, we'll have so many ideas and entrepreneurs and stuff going on in the world and problems being installed that, you know, it'll be a whole new golden age for the human race. Yeah, that would be I mean, and that's kind of it for, for people in the in the sphere in the space, right, like, that's the goal, right is break it as early as possible, you know, stop the, you know, stop the momentum, you know, that as soon as you can intervention in a child's life, the sooner the better. You know, one of the things is, and I've talked about this on, you know, the shows is like trauma informed schools, because sometimes the parents capacity is limited to be able to do that through their own trauma experiences. And, you know, as I sat in the last year, and you know, and have reshaped, you know, my, you know, my directions always been the same, but how to get there has been, you know, evolving in the last 12 months, you know, through the pandemic, and through other lot of other things, my focus has turned towards the, again, the workplace environment, because I also see that, to me as being a parent, and knowing how much, you know, a positive work culture, a trauma sensitive work environment, building resilience through the leadership in a company that actually trickles through every employee, and then an employee then takes that home with them. And it's good that they're taking home with them, not the stress, the strain, the bullying, the, you know, the compound of everything that happened to them, and then venting it out to their family. Because if the kid goes and has a great teacher, but comes home to a mom, or a dad, who has been, you know, bullied or put down or something's happened at work, or has too much going on, and nobody, they're recognizing that they're overwhelmed, you know, they're it all it all, it'll push us at some point. And I think there there's this, to me, this is my complex brain going. I think there's everybody at different places. And you know, and I think that, you know, organizations, to a large extent need to be more accountable through their leadership towards the type of cultures, not just good work cultures, but actually trauma sensitive cultures, to know that work doesn't just end at the threshold at the office, it goes home and home comes into work, and that there's this pervious between those two, you know that that barrier is not a brick wall.

Ronda Beaman: 34:22

Yes, you're right. And it you know, it's when we first started our company peak learning that was one of the things that we realized was if you can inoculate, if you will, there's I know there's a lot of words like innoculate going on around right now. But if you can inoculate the main artery of, you know, civilization, which is business, which is, you know, building, which is, you know, creating, if you can inoculate there, so let's say we can't get them it's it's six years old yet. And now they're in companies we're in you're sitting in Deloitte and a big 14 storey building and or 40 storey building in San Francisco, you can do something into the main vein of Deloitte, that helps everyone become like you said, more resilient, more unstoppable, more excited about their own potential and live if you can create that in a company and throughout companies in the world, now you're changing, you know the engine. Now you're changing the engine. And is it possible? Sure, hell yeah, it's possible. But you just got to get out there. And I think inoculating is a really good word for it, because you are giving them the antibodies, you are giving them the, you know, fighting cells to get out there and make their Have you heard this one. Like, the father gets yelled out at work. Have you heard this one? Oh, no, go ahead. I mean, I know the story, father gets yelled at work, like, I don't know that work, comes home and yells at the mother, the mother yells at the kid, the kid kicks the dog, the dog barks at the cat, the pet cat wheeze on the carpet, that his helmet goes down through everybody's house, right? If you can stop that dad coming home or the mom and havin yelling, and being unhappy and thwarted, then no, no pee on the rug, so to speak. Up. Yeah, that's how it goes.

Amee Quiriconi: 36:29

Yeah, I'm yeah, I totally agree with you on that. And now that makes me that makes me want to ask, you know, we talked about building a resilient person and becoming resilient ourselves. But how do you do that with an organization with a diversity? You know, what are some of the the challenges that are there? Because I think, you know, there are companies that want to have resilient companies, you know, what is a resilient company, you know, versus a resilient person, given all the parts and pieces that are moving around, right? Well, you know, I have a bias. First of all, have you noticed how everything is real resilient, now you have resilient shampoo, yes, couches, and beds, and deodorant.

Ronda Beaman: 37:09

Everything's resilient now. But when we started peak learning it really the word resilience had only been added to buildings, you know, to whether something could stand and stand the storm stand to the you know, assaults and all that kind of stuff. And, you know, what, what our particular goals and beliefs are, as we created this technology, that it's a, it's based on cognitive therapy. So if you circle back the way we started this broadcast, you know, this attitude shift this cognitive thought pattern, most people are just replicating what they saw at home. So if your mother fell apart when something bad happened, guess, guess what your propensity is going to be fall apart. But if you can retrain that, and so there's a whole process that goes with that. But if you can, and you can do this, you can, so we call it adversity quotient, you can actually change someone's, you can't change their IQ, but you can change their aq in an afternoon. And then and you know, if they start practicing that, they start teaching it, like you said, to their kids, to their spouse, to the people on their team. And we've seen whole companies inoculated, if you will, with high Aqs, and sales numbers go up, absenteeism goes down, you know, health problems, decrease, on and on, and on and on, because we rewired what they thought was hardwired patterns of behavior. But that actually can be rewired in a day or two, to help people become more resilient. Will it solve all the problems? No. Will it solve everybody's problems? No, but it's a beginning. You know, it's a place that people can learn about their own brain and how their brain works and how, you know, to tap into what's an incredible amount of power. With that little attitude shift again, so.

Amee Quiriconi: 39:08

And for people that are listening, if you want to hear more about it, I do know you and I talked about that you broke down the core method in the last interview so that everybody that wants to get more into that will pop over to the other interview that Rhonda and I did last season. And you can get into it. And then I actually did also talk talk about that, because it's it's it's been a very popular model written about that you guys developed to do it. And so I included that as an example in the book is one of those ways of being able to do it, because it is it is a it's a thought shift process. And I know we're you again, you and I are the worst spokespeople for it only in the sense that we demonstrate it, but we make it look like it's just so easy. And so I think I think we both can agree that like there's consciousness and I think that's one of the things that I tell people is there's a mindfulness that's so different. I don't I don't just go with the flow. When a you know, something jumps up in the road and it knocks me down. There's a a I feel it. I let it happen. It sucks. I go through all of that. But then I make the conscious step or you know, maybe it's a decision in the morning maybe it's the next morning maybe it's in three days. I don't know what it is, but then there is the Okay, I'm ready now. Like I've Did I understood that I'm not just ready? What am I going to do next? And that's a sentence that you have to, you know, utter to yourself to do. And you know, being resilient doesn't mean that you're not affected by you know, the crap that happens to you. It's really it's the next step you do after you feel the feelings, you know, the anger, the you know, madness, the grief, whatever the feeling may be that, you know, knocks you down a little bit. But you come up with the, you know, up for air and you're ready to paddle back to the shore, or whatever it is that you want to do. And yeah, I think some people think that you have to be tough, and resilient isn't tough. It's like I think we talked about in the last episode, it's actually the ability to kind of be flexible, like to take the shot and bounce it back. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. What did they say on all of it? Please, sir, could I have some more?

Ronda Beaman: 41:07

But I think you made a really important point, in that, you know, again, we're not superhuman, we're not robots we're not, we do have feelings. And it may take, you know, depending on what it is, and everybody's adversity is different, right? Someone could have, you know, just be wiped out by the fact that their computer crashed, you know, whereas somebody else if it's the death of a loved one, you know, and it's not ours to judge what someone else's adversity is, or the severity of it. But sometimes, you know, you've got to give yourself some time to heal. And you're not just going to automatically go, Oh, you know, my friend was just put in the hospital with botulism. And she may die. Oh, well, I'm gonna explain to myself why this is good. You can't do that. So you've got to sit down and lay down and think and process. And there is no time limit. If it takes you a year, it takes you a year. But the important part, I think, like you said, is what's next now, you know, I've healed I've understood, I've processed, I'm kind of tired of staying in this dark place. What's next? And how do I get there? That's, that's the resilient part. It's not just go boom, I'm better. No, no, no.

Amee Quiriconi: 42:32

Right. Right. Right. And I think that makes resilience for people that have struggled with it. You know, that that explanation, I think is important, because it makes it show just it is more achievable than maybe you think that it is that it isn't, you know, it's not measured by the quickness at which you do it. It's measured by the fact that you do. And yeah. It's not as well. So now I want to give you a chance to talk about your new book, they just published this year, my feets in these shoes. And you have such the, you know, the best titles because your other book is Little Miss merit badge, which I totally love. And, and so tell me, tell me about this book that you did and where it came from. And what can people expect when they read through it,

Ronda Beaman: 43:14

you're very nice to bring it up my feet. So it's f e A Ts, everybody who's in broadcast land that can't see it. It's my feets and issues. So the things that I accomplished, or tried or didn't accomplish, as the case may be, and the different shoes I wore, that got me their shoes, or like the first adult machine were actually given, you know, to operate. And so from baby shoes on through, I kind of go through some of the stories, because so many of my university students are always asking me, you know, how do I get a life like yours? And I'm like, you don't want a life like mine, you want your optimal life? You know, how do you do that. So at the end of every chapter, so it's a memoir, but it's also like an inspirational guide, because at the end of every chapter, I have a little section called Put yourself in my shoes. And it's the distillation of the lesson, you know, of this thing that anyone can take from this experience that I had shared, and turn it into their own, you know, life and their own thoughts and their own processes. So I'm really proud of it, because I've tried to meld This is what I know, you know, and this is how it could help you. So I'm really excited about it. Well, as a as an educator at you know, I think that the educators of the worlds are great, because you're able to take the book and actually turn it into, you know, the, the application, right. So, you know, teaching isn't just the standing up and talking at people, you know, you know, you need to be able to come up, synthesize it in a way and give people an opportunity to learn from it. Otherwise, you know, you're just, yeah, otherwise, you know, doing all this. Right, right, exactly. I had this, you know, you were talking about visions, and I had this little statement up on top of my computer the whole time I was writing that said, use your life to illuminate others. You know, and that's the whole point. Because if if you're not doing that, it's just kind of a, you know, anexercise in self awareness.endorsement or something? A little bit more about me. Okay. So, so I think that that's important. I mean, that's what I get from reading other people's biographies and memoirs and stuff is, is like we were talking about sometimes your role models aren't ever going to be people that you meet, but you can learn from another person's life and what they went through and that kind of thing. So, yeah, I'm excited about it. Um, and it comes out may 25. And yeah, and I'm going to be speaking at the publishers Weekly's book National Book Fair, but it's virtual, but I'm sharing the speaking honors with Oh,

Amee Quiriconi: 46:02

no way. That is awesome. No, one of your students are just like, how do I get your life? Yeah, but I think that, you know, I'm probably making Oprah really nervous.

Ronda Beaman: 46:14

Oh, I'm on with Rhonda. Oh, yeah.

Amee Quiriconi: 46:18

All right. Yeah. Oh, my gosh, well, that's awesome. Congratulations. And so by the time anybody's listening to this episode, the book will be out. So you guys will be able to grab a copy on Amazon, and all that kind of good stuff. Thanks. Well, there'll be an audio book version of it. We're working on that. I hope. So that would be really fun. I've never done one of those. And I would really enjoy doing that. So yeah, they ended up doing one of my book and my editor had pitched me to do the narrating because I podcasting mic is perfect. But it didn't happen that way. So they hired a dyno, and it was like, oh, and but they hired this woman, Megan testing, who is a professional narrator. And it is so surreal to listen to my words come out of someone else's mouth, but she's also an actress. And so she reads it just like exactly the way it needs to be right, like the writer. And I'm just like, Okay, that was the right call. That was pretty cool. I mean, I would like to narrate a book at some point, but I am not disappointed in how well we are. Oh, good. Yeah, like it is really, it's really fun. So well, I'll remember that if I get lucky enough to get an audio book. And because I think oh, I would like to read it, but maybe it'll be better somebody else does. Yeah, you know, I was like all about that ego, like, Yeah, no, I totally need to read my own words. It can't come out of someone else's mouth. And then but it But again, it's like the surreal pneus of hearing something you said it almost doesn't feel like your own words when somebody else reads them. And and so I've been listening to my own book, and the first time I think the first section of it, I cried, like I just was, by the experience of it, I was just like, wow, yeah, so great.

Ronda Beaman: 47:49

And it's a very, it's a very good book, I have read it, it's a good book. So everyone should get your book and then when they're finished, they should go get my book and there it is.

Amee Quiriconi: 47:59

Awesome. This has been exactly the conversation I was hoping I was gonna have with you. So I enjoy you so much. I was such a, you know, I feel so grateful, you know, that reached out to you last year and got a chance to be able to talk with you and you know, and to be connected with you and everything that you do. I mean, you're you know, the positive energy that you have the intelligence that you bring to the subject. And the inspiration is just you know, off the charts and so I you know, I like talking to you about this because then when people are searching for somebody to be inspired by like you are one of those add ins and

Ronda Beaman: 48:30

vice versa, vice versa. Friend, thank you so much. I listen to dissipating this and enjoyed it just as much as I thought I would. So thank you for having me.

Amee Quiriconi: 48:39

Absolutely.