Mastering the Art of Work-Life Separation for Work-Life Harmony - 174

Julie South: 0:05

You're listening to the Vet Staff podcast, the place where you, the veterinary professional, can go to get your head screwed on straight, so you can get excited about going to work on Monday mornings and be the most fantabulous version of you you can be. I'm your show host, julie South, and this is Episode 174. Welcome to the fourth and the final episode, 100% dedicated to helping veterinary professionals take proactive steps towards attaining the work life harmony that you want. Today, we're going to look at a concept known as work life separation. We're going to look at it as a way of helping you create your own sustainable work life harmony arrangement. This episode is about helping you put a line in the sand to separate the clinic from home and vice versa. We're going to look at the difference between a ritual and a habit. If you're a people pleaser, then this episode is for you. If you're feeling a bit frazzled around the edges, this episode is for you as well, and if you're contemplating quitting the veterinary sector altogether, then this is also for you. I've received quite a lot of thanks from vets and nurses, so thank you if you were one of those who listened to last week's episode and said that it was perfect for where they're at in their lives and how to get their life from where it is to where they want to be. If you're not sure what I'm talking about, it was around strategic renewal the different aspects of your life that you can change, to move the needle so that you're living the work and the life life that you want. Visit vetstaffpodcastcom and listen, if you haven't already. Today we're going to be looking at different ways that you can mentally and emotionally draw the line in the sand that divides your professional life from your personal life and your personal life from your professional life, so that you can give 100% to each at the right time.

Julie South: 2:39

Now let's get clear. I understand, especially if you're a working parent or caregiver, that sometimes there are family emergencies that blur that line. From time to time you get a call from school and you need to pick up your little one because they've just fallen and got an X size lump on their head. Or an elderly parent that you care for has had a fall and you get a call about that. Those are, hopefully, rare events. Those are the times when life gets in the way, type of events that you need to deal with, just like you need to deal with a hit by car or a possible X lap because a puppy took a shine to a pin cushion and now there's a pin in its tummy. Or one of your farmers calls up because he's got a cow or two down. These aren't your regular everyday events, unless you're working in an emergency. When these happen, you need to deal with them because you need to. Lives are at stake.

Julie South: 3:45

What we're looking at today is for you to consistently being able to draw a line in the sand so that your life works better, because you're not constantly switched on in work mode and those who love you and whom you love get to share the best of you. In the first episode of this series, we talked about how you have those conversations around leaving work on time, those challenging conversations and other conversations that you might need to have to get some kind of balance happening. So check out episode 171 for that, because in it there was a framework on how to structure the conversation. Obviously, one of the things that you need to do is set boundaries. If you don't do that, none of this is going to make a deadly squad of difference. When you're at work, you work. When you're at home, you're in chill out mode so you can play with those you enjoy playing with. Playing, obviously, here is a general term for stuff other than work being with friends, reading but not scientific journals plays, relaxing, being with family and other loved ones. That's whatever playing is for you.

Julie South: 5:02

Before we get to rituals versus habits, though, I just want to do a superfast overview of the different things that you need to have on each side of that home, work life and the sand line that we've just talked about, for example, separating out work and life. If you don't do it for yourself, no one else will do it for you. Set boundaries around work hours and communication, and please turn your damn phone, your work phone, off when you're at home unless you're on call. Compartmentalize work when you're at home if you need to and you're not on call. Set up your phone so that at certain hours, certain phone numbers, ie work related ones, get automatically diverted to your voicemail. When you do this, it means that you can be fully present at work and at home. I've talked about mindfulness on other episodes. Check them out if you need to at vetstuffpodcastcom and see whether any of those make a difference for you if you put them into practice.

Julie South: 6:18

Before we get to the difference between a habit and a ritual. Let's first have a look at whether you might be so out of whack with your work home life that it has nothing to do with where you work. What if there's an underlying reason you're so busy that has nothing to do with your boss or the excessive workload you might have? I'm gonna press some buttons here with some people or maybe create some wake-up calls. As I'm sure you know, habits can be positive or destructive, but what if you have something destructive going on in your life instead? Here are some questions I want you to think about as to whether you have a good habit or a destructive one in place. Regarding that line in the sand that we're looking at today, I'm gonna throw out some questions for you to think about Now. They might not apply to you, but maybe they apply to your bestie or maybe your significant other, so keep an open mind. Okay, some of these questions will be confrontational, for sure, but it's not like I'm asking you to email me the answer. I just want you to consider each question and whether it could be true for you, because life is too short to be doing stuff that you don't like or to be in a relationship that you don't like, or to be in a job that you love working, but for a boss who doesn't respect you? Here's the first question Do you use work as an excuse to get out of things?

Julie South: 7:56

Are you in a relationship that's not good for you so you stay at work longer? Or you bring work home so that you don't have to be in a relationship? Why do you stay Now? If you tell yourself it's for your kids, then ask yourself whether it is really. Are you showing them what self-respects look like If you don't respect yourself enough to leave? What lessons are you teaching them? Or are you teaching them to be a martyr?

Julie South: 8:30

Are you so constantly busy at work because it serves the unconscious need that you have to feel needed, because you don't feel needed in your personal life? Maybe you're in a sucky relationship, maybe you're an empty nester and you feel like no one needs you anymore. So you use work as a justification of being busy, but really you just want to be needed. Do you have a private, a personal life? Is your life so out of whack that you don't have any hobbies or out of work interests and therefore you don't know what to do if and when you're not working. Have you got, maybe, a truckload of leave stacked up Because you don't want to take your leave, because you don't know what to do? If, say, you own the lottery and you no longer have to go to work, to put food on your table or keep a roof over your head, what would you do? Do you have hobbies, sports, crafts, people you prefer to spend your life with instead?

Julie South: 9:42

Why haven't you changed things with your clinic? If you're constantly taking work home with you and or you're always leaving late, why haven't you done something about this already? What are you scared of? Are you scared of losing your job? Are you scared of being overlooked for the lead vet, the head nurse or maybe even the practice manager position? Are you worried about what other people think? Because your clinic has the culture of everyone working late? Is there a Wall Street mentality going on at your clinic? No one wants to be the first to leave, so everyone's screwed up. I've worked in cultures like that. They're unhealthy mentally, physically and emotionally. They're unhealthy. How about?

Julie South: 10:33

You're not exactly happy with how you feel about yourself, so you stay at work because it means you don't have to attend social situations. Maybe you don't like where you're at physically. You keep promising yourself you'll lose weight, you'll stop smoking, you'll stop drinking, you'll stop the recreational drug use. Could that be why you don't have any work-life balance? If you wanted to go home at knockoff time, you could, but then you'd find yourself courting temptation Maybe food, alcohol, drugs or whatever but you feel so bad about yourself, you beat up on yourself so much that you actually don't feel good about yourself and you don't want to be with other people.

Julie South: 11:18

Do you obsessively check emails all evening and weekend under the guise of needing to catch up, when what you're really doing is craving the stimulation and the sense of productivity that your personal time lacks? Are you in a relationship with a workaholic? So, because they have no personal life, you've told yourself that you can't have one either. It's easier for you to tell yourself you're busy when you're not really at all. You're just in a lonely relationship. What about parental expectations? Are you trying to live up to the expectations of your parents? Maybe you're the child of a veterinary specialist or other high-flying professional who worked crazy hours and that's all you know. The role model you grew up with was so out of whack that you don't know any different.

Julie South: 12:14

Now I've asked these questions, these confrontational questions, because we live in a societal culture where busy is seen as something to be admired, to be something to achieve. Think about it you bump into someone you haven't seen for a while and you ask each other how you've been, how things have been, and what's the answer? It's usually busy. I've been busy, life is busy, work is busy. So that is why I asked those questions, because not everyone who's busy really is busy. It's just this crazy warped ideal state that we think we have to be in because it's expected of us. Now let's look at drawing a line in the sand so that you can get some work-life harmony into your life, because none of the questions I've just asked relate to you, and you want to be home and you want to be 100% present. What are the differences between rituals and habits? Let's look at the difference between rituals and habits and how you can create each to live more of the life that you want at work and at home.

Julie South: 13:31

The difference between a habit and a ritual Firstly, it's around its purpose. Habits are automatic behaviors that are repeated, largely unconsciously, over time. A ritual, on the other hand, is more intentional. It's a practice that is usually filled with specific meaning or symbolism. Mindfulness associated with each is different as well. Habits are done with low awareness, sometimes without even thinking we're on automatic pilot, whereas rituals tend to be more thoughtful, more mindful behaviors, focused on their purpose and their effects. And then there's a frequency.

Julie South: 14:14

While habits develop through frequent repetition, rituals usually happen periodically and around meaningful events or transitions. For example, you and your kids have a bedtime ritual. It helps them move from being active to being sleepy, to sleep time, and then the structure is different. Habits tend to be simple behaviors, like brushing our teeth. It happens morning and night. We don't even think about doing it, it's just a habit, whereas rituals often involve multiple symbolic steps. For example, let's take your kids again. They have a wash, they brush their teeth, they put their pajamas on. Maybe there's a bedtime story, there's more of a sense of ceremony, if you like, and there could also be meaning involved, but they perform each step for a purpose, for a reason it's to put them to bed.

Julie South: 15:09

Their flexibility between habits and rituals is different as well. Habits usually happen automatically, regardless of the circumstances, whereas rituals adapt to different situations while still being able to preserve their original purpose or their original intent. For example, your kids bedtime story. Maybe they're at your parents place instead, or you're on holiday, so parts of the ritual may change, but the intent is still the same, even though it might be different. Maybe at home they have a bath, but there's no bath where you are right then, so then you have a shower or a wash instead. Maybe the bedtime story is a bit longer because it's a bigger treat, because they're with grandparent or because you're on holiday. The ritual is the same, but different Habits are usually rigid, while rituals have a flexible component to them. So, as you can see, the main distinction is that habits are unconscious, repeated behaviors, while rituals are more deliberate, episodic practices that mark transitions or events or states of mind. Rituals have special significances as part of their being that habits don't usually have. Now that we know this, let's look at the rituals and the habits that you can put in place to support you living your best life through having more work related harmony than you have right now.

Julie South: 16:43

Let's look at work rituals Leave work at work rituals Some ideas for you to think about that may prompt and create more ideas for you that will be applicable for you. So these are just suggestions. So these are leave work at work rituals, physically gather items needed to take home and organize paperwork and tasks for the next day. So if you brought your lunch to work, go get wherever it is in the fridge or wherever you left it in the dishwasher and make it a ritual to do that every time you leave, so that you're gathering physical items. Do a quick tidy up and a reset of the clinic space where you've been working your desk, whatever before you leave. Pack up and put away any mobile devices work related mobile devices for you to avoid temptation to check in after hours. Have a transitional commute ritual Perhaps play specific music or make a personal phone call or a text that lets other people know that you're on your way home. Change your clothes when you get home and then you've got a physical transition queue.

Julie South: 18:10

Let's look at evaluating over work habits. So what you can do is track the hours that you've worked for a couple of weeks and categorize those tasks which are truly urgent versus self-imposed expectations, expectations like I mentioned before, maybe you don't know anything other than to work all the hours under the sun. So urgent versus self-imposed expectations and then assess if you're overworking to avoid unpleasant tasks or due to poor time management. So the unpleasant tasks may be, like I said before, that you're in this sucky relationship that you haven't got out of, so you use work as an excuse so you don't have to go home. Get, if you need to get, external perspectives from colleagues or friends your besties perhaps, but more likely colleagues on workloads and norms or what is normal for what you're doing, for your role. Check also if overworking tasks that you've identified could be delegated or restructured so that they're less imposing and less taxing on you, and then consider if technology that you have enables an always-on habit that actually fuels your overworking. Now let's start with some habits that help you stay one side of your metaphorical line in the sand to support you achieving the work life harmony that you want.

Julie South: 19:58

Automatic call divert Set up a rule on your mobile phone that all work-related numbers automatically go through to voicemail from your knockoff time to your start time the next day, and this includes weekends. Most smartphones have the capability now, if they don't get an app that allows this to happen. If your clinic doesn't have designated on-call mobiles for vets and nurses, then look into this. It's not that expensive to have another device with another call plan attached to it. So look at that. If that's not how it is right now, what this does is it protects your personal number for personal things. By the way, if you're wondering, it is possible to set up these do not disturbs so that in the event that there is an emergency and all hands on deck are required, if that number you set it up, if that number calls twice or three times in quick succession, then your phone will ring so it overrides any previous call diverts. So you can't use the. It might be an emergency excuse to stay connected when you don't need to.

Julie South: 21:15

Another thing that you can do is have no tech at the dinner or the breakfast or the lunch table, even if you end up dining alone. No tech. That way you won't be tempted to check work emails or work chat groups. This applies to everyone, teenagers as well. No exceptions, not even phones turned faced down. No tech at the table. Work chat groups WhatsApp, facebook Messenger, slack, whatever you have. Set them up to automatically go silent between set hours so you'll be less tempted to have a quick chat in case it's urgent.

Julie South: 21:59

Uniform or scrubs change out as soon as you get home. Change into your civvies immediately, always, and as you're changing out of today's uniform, get tomorrow's ready at the same time. That way, you don't need to hold and reserve any mental bandwidth for the rest of your time at home because you've got tomorrow ready, it's done, it's ticked off. You don't need to think about it again. Now let's talk about work laptop, preferably any work laptop you may have. Stays at work, stays at the clinic. But if you do have to bring the work laptop home, have a separate bag for it so that you won't be tempted to check work emails while you're checking, say, your Pinterest boards or you're watching YouTube videos on your personal laptop. Keep them both completely separate so that never the twain shall meet.

Julie South: 22:55

Besties at work have to wait. If you work with one of your besties, make it a policy that you won't discuss any work stuff within an hour or two of you each getting home. This way, you'll keep the first couple of hours at home sacrosanct for you and your family. Only. It's family time, it's not work time. If you flat with your bestie and you work with them, then likewise set up a rule that the times that you're both home, the first couple of hours is for home time, it's not work time. Now let's have a look at life partners and business partners, husbands and wives, significant others working together. Make it a rule that you don't discuss clinic stuff at the dining table or while the kids are still up. You want your kids growing up knowing they came first in your life. Therefore, give them 100% attention when they're around you and take your breaks.

Julie South: 24:00

Make it a daily habit to take your breaks. Either sit down with your drink and focus on your drink think of anything but the last case that you just saw or the one that you've got coming up. Instead, take just five minutes and enjoy your drink, or your biscuit or your sandwich, whatever it is, or your muffin If everyone still wants a piece of you then go for a walk around the car park or the block or down to the corner and back. Make it a habit to find some you time during the day when you're at work. You're legally entitled, in New Zealand at least, to that time, so use it. And if you're the boss and you want healthier staff, then set the standard and the expectations that everyone takes their breaks. Lead by example, because if you don't, it's less likely that they will Work.

Julie South: 24:57

Emails on personal devices. If your personal device doubles up for work as well. Set up as many automated rules as possible. I've talked just before about diverting specific phone numbers to voicemail during predetermined time periods. Set up rules with emails. If you didn't realise that such a thing existed and you're using Windows and Outlook on a laptop, right-click on any email in your inbox and there will be an option there entitled Rules. Follow the prompts. From there, you can set up all sorts of rules. You'll be surprised, and it means that you won't get interrupted with work emails coming in while you're at home, because you'll send them to a specific folder that you won't look at while you're at home. G Suite will have something similar, as will iOS. With Windows Outlook, you can automatically categorise emails. Again, right-click ta-da. Categories are different colours. With rules and categories activated, it means that you can make it easy for you to separate work from home on one device.

Julie South: 26:12

Now let's look at rituals. I've had a couple of jobs where my commute has been 90 minutes one way to and from work, once when I lived in London and the other time in Wellington. Yes, I get that it's a significant portion of time three hours a day to spend commuting, but I made it work to my advantage. I spent that time, transitioning from work to home and from home to work. This meant that when I was at home, I was 100% present because I knew I didn't have to switch off or on work, because that had happened already on my commute. So I used that time, that commute time, to let go of everything when I was going home and then to wind myself into work mode when I was going to work. For me, I find that I need about half an hour's commute for that to really work now.

Julie South: 27:08

Now shutting down rituals. Just like some computer programmes need to go through a shutdown process before you can fully switch them off, create one for you at the end of the day. Start a deliberate ritual so that your brain knows it's starting to shut down from work. It's a process that you go through If you have a locker at work. Maybe it's the way you put things into and out of that. Maybe it's making sure that your mug is in the dishwasher before you leave, how you sign off from your PMS. Start your own ritual for leaving work rather than just rushing out the door because you can't get away fast enough. When you rush out the door, you'll have the last case you saw follow you out and that's not the object of the game. On your commute, if you're one of those people who always worries about your cases, then on your way home, instead recap your day, run a video in your mind's eye, a replay of what you did and saw. By the time you get home, you've already done that. You can file everything away because there's nothing you can do about it. Now You're creating a replay wind down ritual, and that means that you can then devote 100% of your focus to being at home with those special people in your life that you want to be with.

Julie South: 28:36

Think of rituals that you can start to help you cross the work life home line and stay on one side or the other. For example, you could create a walk the dog ritual. When you get home, maybe you spend the first half an hour, after you've changed out of your work clothes and got tomorrow's clothes ready, going on a family walk with the dog, or you and your family all do homework together, or you all prep dinner together. You're looking for activities that keep your brain away from work and focused on something else. If you live by yourself, maybe it's a hobby that you do as soon as you get home, or you spend time with your guitar or maybe on the piano, whatever it is. Maybe you can create a put the kids to bed ritual. Enjoy this time with your kids. If it's been a long time since you've tucked them in at night, then start it up again, because it will mean the absolute world to them. Have a glass of wine or beer or cup of tea with your significant other ritual.

Julie South: 29:43

Think about what you can do Over dinner. You can ask your kids to share one thing that they loved about their day ritual. What you're doing here also is starting them off with an attitude of gratitude mindset. You go around the table. You share one thing that was the highlight of the day for each of you. Maybe it's a Monday ritual it would be nice if it was an every night ritual but maybe it's a Monday ritual or a Friday ritual. You can think of your own ritual. When my sisters and I were growing up, one wouldn't let us leave the dinner table until we'd recounted a times table that she had set for us, or she'd run us through our spelling or some other random educational task that she'd somehow invented. It was a ritual that we had for years and it marked the transition from dinner to it being almost time for bed. I honestly believe that instinctively, you'll know a ritual that will work for you and your line your line in the sand. You may have to experiment until you find something that clicks and works. It's okay to experiment. The key is to finding out and designing something that ensures you keep working home in separate compartments and on the own side of your line in the sand.

Julie South: 31:10

I hope you found this fourth segment, this final segment on work life harmony, helpful as a way to keep or get your head screwed on straight, to strengthen your resilience and be excited about going to work on Monday mornings and also, hopefully, to be excited about going home as well. If you like this, the Vet Staff podcast, and find it helpful, can I ask you to do me a favour, please? Can you please help spread the Vet Staff podcast word by telling three of your friends or colleagues about how this show helps veterinary professionals get their head screwed on straight and build resilience so that they can get excited about going to work on Monday mornings and live the life that they love? Thank you Also if you enjoyed today's podcast and please make sure that you've hit that follow button wherever you're listening to this right now. You can go to vetstaffpodcastcom and choose where you want to listen to it, and the follow will be there. You do that because it means that next week's episode will go direct into your feed and you won't miss out Until next week.

Julie South: 32:22

This is Julie South signing off and inviting you to go and be the most fantabulous and resilient version of you you can be. Thank you for spending the last half an hour or so of your life with me. It's great for you to have your head screwed on straight and to be excited about going to work on Monday mornings. The Vetstaff podcast is proudly powered by vetclinicjobscom, the new and innovative global job board reimagining veterinary recruitment, connecting veterinary professionals with clinics that shine online. Vetclinicjobscom is your go-to resource for finding the perfect career opportunities and helping vet clinics power up their employer branding game. Visit vetclinicjobscom today to find vet clinics that shine online, so veterinary professionals can find them Vetclinicjobscom.